Are You Starving for Jesus?

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A good friend, someone I love dearly, passed away just before the close of Easter Sunday.  She was a gift of a person to all that knew her.  She was a quiet, thoughtful, warm, gracious, joyful and most of all, a courageous and inspiring woman.

Karin was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer about 3 years ago.  We met nine years ago when she and I went on a Cursillio retreat together.  We also worked together on our parish council for a few years and would drive together when we would go on our annual retreat for council.  

Karen had an open, honest and forthright way about her that I trusted and was drawn to.  Interestingly enough, I would think of her as more of a sister than of a good friend.  We did not spend a lot of time together but when we would see each other, it was as though no time had passed and we were just comfortable catching up and being in each other's company.  

After Mass one Saturday morning last year, she sat with me and a few friends in the pew and told us that they had found liver mets.  And then, on another Saturday morning (late spring or early summer), she told me that they had found a tumor in her brain by her pituitary gland.  And, with all of this bad news, my heart would sink.  And Karin just remained being Karin.  She was always very upfront about the disease and honest about her feelings.  And she had hope.  And she fought the disease and we all prayed.  She was remarkable through the whole process.

Several weeks ago Karin was admitted into the hospital because all of the tests indicated that her liver was failing.  Steve, Karin's husband, sent close friends an amazing e-mail inviting each of us to come and visit her in the hospital.  The first morning that she was in, Father Randy, an Associate Pastor from our parish, visited and anointed Karin.  Each day, while she was in the hospital, I would bring Holy Communion to both she and Steve.  Eventually, Karin was discharged from the hospital and sent home with Hospice.  Karin's liver had stabilized and, shortly after they arrived home from the hospital, they took off for the beach to spend some time with their youngest daughter who was on spring break from her college.  When they came home from the beach, I called Karen and she asked if I could visit with them the next morning and bring Communion.

When I arrived at Karin's home, I was happy to see that she looked well and was just herself.  We spoke for a few minutes before we prayed and she told me that after they had come home from the beach she just kept feeling like she was missing something.  After thinking about it, she realized that she was missing receiving Holy Communion.  In her words, she said: "I was starving for Jesus!" That put a smile in my heart and tears in my eyes because I knew how incredibly blessed Karin was in her relationship with Jesus.  I was so very happy for her.  

It was such a gift for me to go to her home to give she and her husband Communion each morning.  I would come in, we would pray, I would give Communion, we would end in prayer and I then I would tell them that I loved them and then quietly leave.  It was a tremendous gift to me.

Easter Sunday morning I arrived at their home immediately after the 7:30 am Mass.  Karen was resting comfortably in her bed and had a pretty green cap on her head.  When I came into the room, she pulled the cap up a little, opened her eyes and smiled at me, and we began the prayers.  She closed her eyes while we prayed and opened them when receiving Communion. After the closing prayer, she again closed her eyes and appeared to be resting.  I leaned down to give her a kiss and she put her arm over my neck and held on for a second.  I told her that I loved her and then I quietly left.  I had no idea that I would not see her the next day but I know that she did.

Karin died at a much too early age - 53.  But the joy of it is that she died on Easter Sunday.  She left behind many friends, many wonderful memories for many people, and an amazing beautiful family - her husband, two daughters and a son. And Kirby and Huxley - two very precious dogs.

I am so very glad that Karin told me that she was "starving for Jesus".  Each morning when I wake up, I take our dogs out and look up at the stars in the sky and think about Karin and what she said.  I go in, pray my Office (Liturgy of the Hours) and my Lay Missionary of Charity prayers, drink my tea, take my shower and drive to Mass knowing that I, too, am so very, very blessed because I too, starve for Jesus.

Pange Lingua

Sing my tongue, the Savior's glory

of His flesh the mystery sing;

of the Blood, all price exceeding,

shed by our immortal King,

destined, for the world's redemption,

from a noble womb to spring.

Of a pure and spotless Virgin

born for us on earth below,

He, as Man, with Man conversing,

stayed the seeds of truth to sow;

the He closed in solemn order wondrously His life of woe.

On the night of that Last Supper, 

seated with His chosen band,

He the Paschal Victim eating,

first fulfills the Law's command;

then as Food to His Apostles

gives Himself with His own hand.

Word-made-flesh, the bread of nature

by His word to Flesh He turns;

wine into His Blood He changes; 

what though sense no change discerns?

Only be the heart in earnest,

faith her lesson quickly learns.

Down in adoration falling, 

Lo the sacred Host we hail;

Lo! o'er ancient forms departing,

newer rites of grace prevail;

faith for all defects supplying, 

shere the feeble senses fail.

To the everlasting Father,

and the Son who reigns on High,

With the Holy Ghost preceeding

forth from each Eternally,

be salvation, honor, blessing

might and endless majesty.

Amen. Alleluia.